Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
worst night to have a conscience
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
