Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
