you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
