plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize