He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
