You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
