All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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