True but thats because hes a fetus.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
