i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
