The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
