I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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