I hate your face
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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