I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
