What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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