I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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