woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize