but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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