Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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