if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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