you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
