I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Buhtt sex?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
