Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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