4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize