Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
