it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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