New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize