Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
