At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
