We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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