Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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