I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
