is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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