Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
