Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
