i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
