He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
