the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
