I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
