Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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