i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize