Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
