I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
