I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
