you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
