We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize