omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
