Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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