your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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