She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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