hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
