He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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