If i come over, it means nothing
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
