so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
