so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
