I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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