she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She even gives head with a lisp.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
