just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
