I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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