I think my vagina is haunted
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
