Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
