I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
