my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
nutella sex= disaster
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize