I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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