So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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