I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
