i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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