Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
