69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
