hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
