He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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