You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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