My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I want to be your penis for a week.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
