I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
