My sheets look like a crime scene.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
