My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
