There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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