his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
