Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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