Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
