either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
