She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
