So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
