come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
