he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize