I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
