I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
