Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
