The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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