Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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