You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
