so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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