I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
